Eleven years of relationship has washed away every marketed assumption of love. Every gross emotion had nothing to do with love. Passion and promise played their parts, yet it never filled the uneneding tunnel of wants. At the end of it, I was still standing alone. I wasn’t letting in
Scared, I wasn’t free, still.
As a counsellor, I understand how ego slightly creeps into it and asks ‘What about me?’ It’s all about me!! I have indulged, I found myself in highlight but i didnt find meaning in me. Here’s what I have learnt up until now amongst all illusions ………….
The presence of warmth of early morning sun,
When it flows, it clears muck
Spaces some, reserved for fun,
The inner child smiles and run,
It wrenches and digs,
Twitches the gut in knots,
Pain broils in there,
Ready to erupt,
It sits to close in depth,
It brings it out with a tug,
We push it away with all might,
It pulls back still covered in grime,
Still gentle, milder and wiser,
It’s the listener,
It plays with your perceived imperfection,
Experiences unique distinct- ion,
It sings,
I have heard it before,
The tunes of the UNI- Verse,
It spreads around in forms of kindness,
No pursuits of obtaining,
Fills the self like loving,
Only loving self, loves;
Will you give it to self ?
A chance to love- Self?
Love an other,
Imagine them with darts at your pressure points of pain,
No talks about optimism, self -love, butterflies, yearnings and sunshine. Here, the deal is with raw pain, real fear, failure, hopelessness and injustice. There is no life without these- why throw them as obsolete..they have a purpose to sieve the greatness out of mediocrity. Cry it out. Let the hell break lose- why not “wars inside are not dependent on greed for materialism, wars inside release, unleash the woman or man you are supposed to be.
So stop hiding behind,
positive remarks and smiles of pain- and cry and hug a stranger tight. Stop being absent and confused by other’s pain.. They are feeding off of your..Cry, if you have to..be scared…be pessimsitic…be crass and then love when you can…But profess love when its pure… we throw word’ love’ to too often, we feel it too rarely
I find myself constantly evolving with reading all your blog and attempting to write and experiment with all that needs a loud thump and voice. All that we come across, think about and never pen down.
So here it goes. It is october 2018. I am grateful for each day the sun shines and it was warm day worth being gratful for. At night, I am planning purchases to decorate a new house and indulging online, tempting myself with a new wadrobe for festivities. Then, I come across a documentary on coral reef and how it is ‘bleaching’ and dying. Such is the contradiction in activities. My conscious mind is engaged in understanding aftermaths of a want based living. There is helplessness, depressive angst at how in matter of couple of year with collective increase in consumerism, there is a effect and a price that we are to pay and yet the lower mind is still on the phone -browsing. It took some active effort to stop the online browsing and feeding the want to constantly accquire and stop the voice that I have so strongly found that says I deserve it, I want it. It is almost convincing me that I need it to feel a certain way. That is one october night, one day and I wonder how much effort it is required to appeal to the higher self to take over and not pay heed to the man made efforts to constantly keep you acquiring.
There are many october nights to plan ahead- to ignore the false call of want and to break out of circle based on needs and want. Intellectually, It is easier to understand a deep void one is trying to fill. But each step in direction of altruism is heavy. Yet, awareness is a start. There are many october nights to plan and action. I cannot forgo personal responsibility of carbon footprint and waste. I own it with a heavy heart but I own it with loving kindness and a prayer for consciousness to seep in and stop us in the tract – when we are only focus on serving self. Let this journey be about ‘we’ in wellness not ‘I’ and illness.
May this blog be an affirmation and manifestation that our future generations can witness the grandeur of coral reefs. May they enjoy their odd october warm days atleast and may we not unconsciously take it away from us. May we have the courage to walk even a single step in direction of alternative energy, vegetarianism and observant of our carbon footprint. May we extend a huge hug to Mother Earth for all that is provided to us in form of one less trip to the mall rather a walk to the beach.
May I visit this blog with a awakened smile of contentment at tiny step of change.
Please write your thoughts on coal reef and consumerism.
